


Let me love you.

by Shadows_of_The_Night11



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Heartbreak, Slight Hurt/Comfort, Thanksgiving, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 12:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21320470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadows_of_The_Night11/pseuds/Shadows_of_The_Night11
Summary: After Alex recovers her memory, Kara realizes she has been in love with her for quite some time. However, Thanksgiving is not the right time to bring things up, much less when Alex seems so happy with Kelly around.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kara Danvers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 119





	Let me love you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DearDead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearDead/gifts).

> I hope you like this, guys. Some angst is always needed, right? I hope you're ready.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes and/or typos. I did my best to proof read this.

Earth was an amazing place even for someone that had seen a fraction of space. The stars were magnificent, but they were so little against the vast darkness of the universe. Billions of constellations were out there; too far away to keep Kara company on her journey.

Time didn’t really exist when there’s no day or night. The minutes blended together almost to the point of madness while she drifted aimlessly through nothing. If someone asked Supergirl how long she had spent on the Phantom Zone, blue eyes would turn empty while saying “ _ an eternity _ ”.

No one could say otherwise. No one knew better than that.

Seeing a planet so foreign was interesting for the Kryptonian. It became Kara’s home even when all the blue was a sharp contrast to Rao’s light. A full spectrum of colors laid on Earth’s soil; forest and deserts made up the landscape, but Kara Zor-El found solace on hazel.

Alex was her lighthouse in the stormy sea of a hero's life. She kept Supergirl above water, helped her breathe when her heart filled with sorrow and her lungs turned to steel. Some days, the red boots were heavier than Fort Rozz, and it was then when hazel had the strength of a thousand Suns.

Supergirl only needed a few encouraging words from her  _ sister _ and she was ready to soar higher than ever.

Not now.

Not when Eliza was there for Thanksgiving; berating Alex about something that wasn’t her fault. And Kara hadn’t felt like herself since Alex got her memory erased. Sure, she remembered now, but that didn’t mean Kara wasn’t afraid every time the agent looked away.

It didn’t stop her heart from hammering against her chest while thinking: “ _ Please, look at me. _ ” What if Alex looks at Kara only to see the little sister and nothing else? Perhaps that’s the problem; Alex only saw a part of her even with her memory restored.

But tonight wasn’t the right time to dwell on those feelings, to wonder  _ what if things could be different _ .

Someone knocked on the door, effectively stopping the ongoing argument between mother and daughter. Kara was guilty of zoning out and actually had no idea how the fight started. So, she flashed a smile to both women before busying herself by attending the door.

J’onn, James, and Lena were there; big smiles and shiny eyes with the prospect of a nice evening. And Kara was grateful they could make it because there’s no way she could face this night on her own.

She downed a glass of wine that makes absolutely no effect on her just to have an excuse to refill everyone’s. She tried really hard not to think about how the wine swirling in the bottle as she poured Lena another drink is the same shade of Alex’s hair.

And she tried really hard not to look at Alex like a sibling shouldn’t; with longing and a love so deep that it bordered on painful.

Then, Kelly was there and Kara faded into the background like she learned to.

She didn’t want to see the way Kelley made Alex happy. Not like Alex didn’t deserve happiness.  _ She does. _ But Kara could feel her slipping away, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. There wasn’t a good way or a right time to bring it up. After all, Alex never stopped being the perfect sister, and somehow that made things worse.

“I’m starting to think you want to leave your own party,” Lena said taking her out of her inner thoughts.

“Of course not.”

_ Where would I go? _ Kara thinks but realizes she moved towards the window without noticing. A reflex, perhaps. A need to leave only countered by the fact she was home.

A forced smile and a high-pitched laugh, and she was lying to Lena again. Not her intention, but Kara felt ready to bolt; leave everything and everyone behind until she could rearrange the broken parts of her heart to stop... _ this. _ Whatever this was.

Explaining why she felt that way wasn’t possible, but it hurt anyway.

“Is everything okay?”

The concern in Lena’s eyes almost broke her, but Kara couldn’t answer. She didn’t have enough time to even  _ try _ because the next second Eliza called them over. Dinner was ready, so, National City’s hero just nodded and swallowed her emotions once again.

It was Thanksgiving, but Kara wasn’t sure what to be thankful for.

It was easier to fade again while everyone else talked and filled the silence she left. She could just stare into her plate while the rest took care of turkey and drinks.

The last scion of Krypton. The last daughter of El. Kara should be grateful to be alive, but survivor guilt was especially strong under a yellow sun. She should be grateful for her friends, but she missed Winn all the time. This was the last time she’d see James for a while. And things with Lena were just coming back to normal.

At least Lena knew the truth. She saw Kara like she truly was.

Except those eyes weren’t hazel, and Alex didn’t look her way since Kelly got there.

Laughter filled the room at the right times; a little too loud, a little bit too choked, a little too close to being a sob. The pain threatening to spill with bitter tears behind lead-rimmed glasses. But there was no reason to be sad or heartbroken. It was Thanksgiving.

“I’m just thankful to be here,” she lied when it was her turn to speak.

Cheers followed her words, and she toasted with everyone else before diving into a dinner she didn’t touch.

Her throat was too tight, her vision blurred with the phantom of x-ray vision. The glasses were pushed a little higher on the bridge of her nose, but that didn’t help her breathe.

She had been so scared of losing Alex a thousand times in a million different ways. Afraid of losing the only person that made her feel at home. Maggie should have been a warning, but Kara had decided to ignore it. Alex had promised to stay, forever, but Kara couldn’t and wouldn’t hold her down; keep her away from the happiness shining in her eyes.

Tasting a life where Alex didn’t know everything about her had killed a part of Supergirl. It made her realize her true feelings, the line where unconditional love stopped being sisterly, and she crossed it a long time ago.

Now, she was sitting in front of Alex; knowing that the memories had come back, and yet the agent didn’t know every secret. Supergirl would always do everything in her power to keep death away from Alex, but she was losing her to love. That very same love; as deep and unconditional as it was, was killing her in return.

Kara didn’t have to lie about her hero identity anymore. But she had to lie about a feeling so strong it brought all her walls down despite all of her efforts. She longed for the chance to love someone that was in love with someone else. The person she had called home for decades was ready to start her family, to find a home of her own, with someone else.

Suddenly, Kara was drifting aimlessly through time again; engulfed by a dark sea that could have been the Phantom Zone.

Billions of stars weren’t enough to fill the universe. 7 billion people weren’t enough to fill the growing hole in her chest. How could they if Alex didn’t even look at her?

She cried on Eliza’s shoulder after everyone had left. She cried for all the wonderful things they could but wouldn’t be.

It hurt. The sobs burned her throat as a hundred confessions fell from her lips to get forever lost on Eliza’s shoulder. She couldn’t  _ not _ be happy for Alex’s happiness, even if it wasn’t with her.

“I love her,” she said.

“I know.”

Kara was lost, but one day, she would make it back home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.


End file.
